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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517068">prelude to an apology</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silent_h/pseuds/silent_h'>silent_h</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>picking up the leftovers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>.........probably, Gen, Nonbinary Doctor (Doctor Who), Post-Episode: s11e08 The Witchfinders, Sexism, Thirteen is trying her best</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:33:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silent_h/pseuds/silent_h</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>people aren't always great to female presenting people. the doctor maybe did not previously understand this as well as they should have.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor &amp; Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>picking up the leftovers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>prelude to an apology</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://yesokayiknow.tumblr.com/post/180831738155/a-prequel-to-this-is-it-always-like-this-the">first posted here like. idek know how long ago whoops</a>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is it always like this?”</p><p>The Doctor’s huddled up under a glittery blue blanket, curled into the corner of the ridiculously purple sofa she’d got them to help her move into the library. The Tardis still feels pretty cold to Yaz’s standards but the room’s a little warmer than it usually is, in deference to its (her?) driver’s current state of health.</p><p>“We <em>told</em> you to get out of those wet clothes quicker,” she says, rolling her eyes as she takes a seat next to her. “You were the one who said you’d be fine.”</p><p>The Doctor’s been shivering and sneezing for the past four days straight, trailing her blanket through the Tardis corridors. Graham had only just managed to convince her to stick to one room after the third time she’d tripped up after the end of it got caught on something, though Yaz is pretty sure he was aiming for a room that had a bed.</p><p>Time Lords have superior biology her arse.</p><p>“No,” the Doctor mumbles, turning so that she’s facing her. “I meant the…” she wrinkles her nose. “The condescendin’ and the not believin’ and the…” She ducks her chin deeper under the blanket as she trails off.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Yaz had figured that the Doctor’s dimmed energy after visiting Bilehearst was due to her cold, but then she hadn’t exactly slowed down after being caught in that sonic mine blast, had she? And she’d been running all through Sheffield not long after falling from the sky, too.</p><p>She really should have guessed that this mood was triggered by something else.</p><p>The Doctor had mentioned that she used to be a man and Yaz hadn’t really known how much she was allowed to ask about it. It didn’t <em>seem </em>to be a painful memory, and it’s not like the Doctor was shy about bringing it up, and she was probably projecting human (specifically 21st century western) sensibilities on her again, but <em>still</em>.</p><p>It probably meant that this sort of feeling was new to her though.</p><p>Yaz has had her fair share of discrimination (being a Pakistani Muslim woman in the police force doesn’t exactly earn you a lot of fans) and as much as it hurts every time it happens, she’s been slowly building up a callus to that sort of thing.</p><p>If this is the Doctor’s first time though?</p><p>Yeah, that definitely wouldn’t be a fun new experience.</p><p>“Not always,” Yaz says, gently, “but yeah. A lot.”</p><p>The Doctor sinks a little further down. “For everyone?”</p><p>There’s something under her words that Yaz can’t place. Almost…guilt?</p><p>“Well…” Yaz thinks for a moment, considering her words. “Sexism can happen both ways— <em>all</em> ways,” she amends, “but yeah it’s,” she shrugs, helplessly, “it’s usually a lot worse for people who aren’t men. And then even worse again for people who are ‘different’ in other ways.” Her mouth twists. “Bigots don’t tend to discriminate against who they discriminate against, funnily enough.”</p><p>“I knew this happened,” the Doctor says. “I <em>did</em>, I just…”</p><p>“Feels different when it happens to you, huh?”</p><p>The Doctor huffs, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “I have—” She stops, tilting her head with a frown. “Had?” Frowns again. “<em>Have</em> a friend who could be,” she winces, “pretty awful to women. He didn’t seem to see anything wrong with how he treated them until he became one.”</p><p><em>Oh</em>, because there’s a question in that, in the way her voice lifts slightly up at the end, and the the way she’s avoiding Yaz’s eyes.</p><p>“You think you might have done that too?”</p><p>“Not purposely,” she says immediately, eyes wide. “Never! Just what if— What if—” She gets quieter and quieter, sinking further down until Yaz has to strain her ears to hear her, “what if I didn’t always believe it was as bad as other people said it was?”</p><p>Ah.</p><p>Yaz purposely keeps her voice neutral. “Then that would be a pretty shitty thing to do.”</p><p>The Doctor nods. Doesn’t object to the language, which means that she’s <em>really</em> ashamed.</p><p>The Doctor, <em>her</em> Doctor, who is sometimes a little cruel and a little uncaring and a little blunt, but who is still the best person she’s ever met, who never stands for other people’s pain if she can help it, who always, <em>always</em> tries to do the right thing.</p><p>There’s a whole heap of bad people in this universe, and Yaz is pretty sure the Doctor isn’t one of them. Doesn’t mean she can’t be a right arsehole sometimes though.</p><p>“This probably sounds a bit stupid considering where we are,” Yaz starts, wryly, “but you can’t really do anything to change the past. All you can do is try and make up for it in the present, and make sure that you don’t do it again in the future.”</p><p>The Doctor sits with that for a moment, face unreadable, before she slowly pushes her head back up over the edge of the blanket.</p><p>“You’re right,” she says. “Brilliant, you are. Brilliant Yaz.” Her eyes dart to the side for a moment, and then she leans forward and grabs onto Yaz’s sleeves. “Sorry,” she says, earnestly.</p><p>Yaz can’t really remember her doing or saying anything to her that would warrant an apology but she’s not entirely sure that’s the point.</p><p>“Thanks,” she says, instead, and the Doctor beams.</p><p>“I’ve other people I gotta apologise to,” she says, intently. “Other people that I didn’t treat how I should’ve.” She nods decisively, squaring her shoulders. “And I know exactly who to start with.”</p><p>Really, Yaz should’ve expected the Doctor to try and get up after that, but she’s still too late to keep the alien in place. Not that it matters. The Doctor is only halfway upright before she sneezes, and starts to wobble, arms flailing.</p><p>She reaches out to catch her but the Doctor falls back down into her messy cocoon of fabric before she can.</p><p>“After you get better,” she says, firmly, hands still held up in case she gets it in her head to try again.</p><p>“…after I get better,” she agrees, settling back in with a disgruntled look. She looks up hopefully, “and after I have a biscuit?”</p><p>Yaz <em>means</em> to roll her eyes but smiles instead, already getting up.</p><p>Increased healing? Mild telepathy? Respiratory bypass? Nah. It’s the killer puppy dog eyes that are the <em>real</em> superior quirk of Time Lord biology.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i keep using fic to dunk on 10 &amp; simm!master for being shitheads to many people but especially martha jones and i think that's very sexy of me</p></blockquote></div></div>
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